Late, late, late.
Chances are good I will forget to do this weeks blog, and perhaps even do the make up blog, so I'd like to take this time to talk about my first semester at UWSheboygan.
I'm really excited about it. I finally know that I want to be going to school, what I want to go to school for, and that at the end of the day its totally possible. I'm not even sure I'm going to pass one of my classes, and I have to take a math seminar at the end of the year just to finish what I started, but I don't even care. The flexibility sucks at Sheboygan, that's probably my only complaint. I need to go full time to get health benefits, but I have to work full time to cover my bills. I'd really like to know how other people do it.
September my lease is up. My ex gets out of basic in July, we still talk about getting married. Maybe I'll be in Texas a year from now. I'm in such a good mood because I don't know what my life is going to be like from now on, there's all these possibilities. All these things I want to do. I'm on an upward swing..
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
My week was beyond hell-ish. Details, not necessary. I'm broke, I hate men, I almost lost my job, and I will probably not be able to catch up on my work in time for the end of the semester.
I got one blissful night on the town to get my head back though.
Okay, I won't continue with the theme of my blog, because its the same thing every week.
So I'd like to talk about.
Summer!
I quit smoking, for now. So I'm going to get healthy! I know how to do it quite well, I just prefer the fat kid's way of life. Beer, pop-tarts, strange media. I know you know what I'm talking about.
Number two. I'm going to attend as many shows as possible. There's no reason to be lame, there's way too much good music happening right now to miss.
Number three. I'm cutting my hours so I can spend more time finding adventures like road trips and midnight coffee and phase ten. I miss spontenaity, even if that's not how you spell it.
Number four. I'm going to take advantage of all the random inspiration I get during the day and paint something. Its been years and I can't stand it anymore.
Number .. five? Pridefest - best party of the year, I really miss my gay boys.
Number six. I'm making a mix for every day of summer.
Number seven. I'm going to smoke weed at least once a month. I didn't do it in my earlier youth because I thought I had higher standards and morals. Give me a friggin break.
Number eight. I'm going to watch the clouds and play kickball.
Number nine. I'm going to all of my sibs baseball games.
Number ten. I'm finally going to get another that second tattoo I've been wanting.
Number eleven. If you're still reading scratch your belly button.
Number twelve. I want to do charity runs, after the whole quitting smoking and poptarts thing.
I got one blissful night on the town to get my head back though.
Okay, I won't continue with the theme of my blog, because its the same thing every week.
So I'd like to talk about.
Summer!
I quit smoking, for now. So I'm going to get healthy! I know how to do it quite well, I just prefer the fat kid's way of life. Beer, pop-tarts, strange media. I know you know what I'm talking about.
Number two. I'm going to attend as many shows as possible. There's no reason to be lame, there's way too much good music happening right now to miss.
Number three. I'm cutting my hours so I can spend more time finding adventures like road trips and midnight coffee and phase ten. I miss spontenaity, even if that's not how you spell it.
Number four. I'm going to take advantage of all the random inspiration I get during the day and paint something. Its been years and I can't stand it anymore.
Number .. five? Pridefest - best party of the year, I really miss my gay boys.
Number six. I'm making a mix for every day of summer.
Number seven. I'm going to smoke weed at least once a month. I didn't do it in my earlier youth because I thought I had higher standards and morals. Give me a friggin break.
Number eight. I'm going to watch the clouds and play kickball.
Number nine. I'm going to all of my sibs baseball games.
Number ten. I'm finally going to get another that second tattoo I've been wanting.
Number eleven. If you're still reading scratch your belly button.
Number twelve. I want to do charity runs, after the whole quitting smoking and poptarts thing.
Monday, April 25, 2011
when the ocean met the sky
I'm starting to freak out.
I'm still on massive quantities of vicodin. I have shit loads of homework to do and also to catch up on. I'm working almost fifty hours this week. My friends and family are giving me guilt trips. I have dry sockets and car brakes I need to fix. And class and housework on top of all of that. If I get through the next month or so with out flipping a lid... I'm going to have to start thinking of how things will have to be different next semester.
Mornings at my job I make the best money, in fact I've worked really hard to earn the morning spot, so I can't just give that up. It means my rent and bills get paid easily and I'm privlaged to do what I want with the rest. I refuse to move home, there's no room unless I want to share the cat box.
Okay so that's settled. Job # 1, not going anywhere.
Job # 2, I love. I'm down to one or two days a week there and I'm not giving that up either.
School, I refuse to go part-time. I want to get out of here very badly, and part-time is certainly not the way to do it. I just continue to tell myself I need to be more disciplined and every week I think that's going to be the week I do it. But I never do. I don't know if this is something that has to be learned over time, or if there's some big secret that I'm missing out on. I continuously set myself up to be a slacker.
I just want to go back to bed, but its time to put some coffee on and get in the shower. Story of our lives. Reguardless of my late pissy and pathetic attitude towards life, TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!
I'm still on massive quantities of vicodin. I have shit loads of homework to do and also to catch up on. I'm working almost fifty hours this week. My friends and family are giving me guilt trips. I have dry sockets and car brakes I need to fix. And class and housework on top of all of that. If I get through the next month or so with out flipping a lid... I'm going to have to start thinking of how things will have to be different next semester.
Mornings at my job I make the best money, in fact I've worked really hard to earn the morning spot, so I can't just give that up. It means my rent and bills get paid easily and I'm privlaged to do what I want with the rest. I refuse to move home, there's no room unless I want to share the cat box.
Okay so that's settled. Job # 1, not going anywhere.
Job # 2, I love. I'm down to one or two days a week there and I'm not giving that up either.
School, I refuse to go part-time. I want to get out of here very badly, and part-time is certainly not the way to do it. I just continue to tell myself I need to be more disciplined and every week I think that's going to be the week I do it. But I never do. I don't know if this is something that has to be learned over time, or if there's some big secret that I'm missing out on. I continuously set myself up to be a slacker.
I just want to go back to bed, but its time to put some coffee on and get in the shower. Story of our lives. Reguardless of my late pissy and pathetic attitude towards life, TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Its alive!
This post is late. I am on Vicodin because I'm without my wisdome teeth, so excuse me if this doesn't make much sense. I'm drifiting in and out of sleep.
A year and a half ago I was in the same postion, elsewhere. I felt like it was easy for me to mess things up, make excuses for myself. Know that I am truly a weak person.
I get distracted by thoughts of picking up and just going. Its getting harder and harder for me to care about school, and its only been a single semester. I can't stand that I feel this way, and I'm unaware of how to fix it. Focusing has always been pretty non-existant for me. If all I had to do to get a degree was paint, listen to music, read pointless books, watch doccumentaries, smoke, and drink coffee like a lame hipster all day.. I'd probably have my doctorate by now. My health and attendence have been less than promising. All I can do is the pass the semester with a few B's and C's and try for next fall. None of my classes have been hard, even in the slightest, I just get apathetic and sorry seeming.
I took a tour of Miller Park over the weekend, and it was really interesting contrary to my intial beliefs. I fought with my family the entire day and spent stupid amounts of cash on pointless things at costco, but on the brightside I will have enough fiber bars to last me 2 months!
Never mix liquid cocaine shots, mostcato, and blue moon together.
Sunday I went to parnell with two of my really good friends. It was a painful fat kid climb, but we did it. We played truth or dare and watched the stars pretending we were still kids. (Or at least more child-like than we already are) We talked until we could barely keep our eyes open and drove home on some winding roads listening to songs that I'm sure only I found nostolgic. I guess this is all I really want in life, is people to share simple things with.
A few hours later I woke up to my dad knocking on my apartment door. It was wisdom teeth day. The doctor put a gas mask on my face and all I really remember was getting the giggles and telling everyone that it was better than my 21st birthday. Twenty bucks says they talked about me the second I was out. I woke up crying because they refused to let me drink water. I was so angry! We went to Target to get some prescriptions and I obviously couldn't walk so I stayed in the car. Again, so angry, 10 year olds were knocking on the window that my puffy face was against. I finally got to my parents house, and slept until I was woken up by my mother putting her ear against my mouth every 2 hours. I've been eating gauze and instant mashed potatoes for the last two days.
I'm putting my math homework off for about and hour now. I think perhaps I should do that.
A year and a half ago I was in the same postion, elsewhere. I felt like it was easy for me to mess things up, make excuses for myself. Know that I am truly a weak person.
I get distracted by thoughts of picking up and just going. Its getting harder and harder for me to care about school, and its only been a single semester. I can't stand that I feel this way, and I'm unaware of how to fix it. Focusing has always been pretty non-existant for me. If all I had to do to get a degree was paint, listen to music, read pointless books, watch doccumentaries, smoke, and drink coffee like a lame hipster all day.. I'd probably have my doctorate by now. My health and attendence have been less than promising. All I can do is the pass the semester with a few B's and C's and try for next fall. None of my classes have been hard, even in the slightest, I just get apathetic and sorry seeming.
I took a tour of Miller Park over the weekend, and it was really interesting contrary to my intial beliefs. I fought with my family the entire day and spent stupid amounts of cash on pointless things at costco, but on the brightside I will have enough fiber bars to last me 2 months!
Never mix liquid cocaine shots, mostcato, and blue moon together.
Sunday I went to parnell with two of my really good friends. It was a painful fat kid climb, but we did it. We played truth or dare and watched the stars pretending we were still kids. (Or at least more child-like than we already are) We talked until we could barely keep our eyes open and drove home on some winding roads listening to songs that I'm sure only I found nostolgic. I guess this is all I really want in life, is people to share simple things with.
A few hours later I woke up to my dad knocking on my apartment door. It was wisdom teeth day. The doctor put a gas mask on my face and all I really remember was getting the giggles and telling everyone that it was better than my 21st birthday. Twenty bucks says they talked about me the second I was out. I woke up crying because they refused to let me drink water. I was so angry! We went to Target to get some prescriptions and I obviously couldn't walk so I stayed in the car. Again, so angry, 10 year olds were knocking on the window that my puffy face was against. I finally got to my parents house, and slept until I was woken up by my mother putting her ear against my mouth every 2 hours. I've been eating gauze and instant mashed potatoes for the last two days.
I'm putting my math homework off for about and hour now. I think perhaps I should do that.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Savage where the chorus at?
First of all, I can only read like two peoples' blogs, the rest don't work? Clearly I'm not the brightest.
Second of all, I'm just going to say that I think this is a lame assignment. Pathetically i love writing blogs, and I've kept various ones over the years. But how the hell do you write a blog and make it so its not some of the most personal information you own? If I wanted to make a good impression on my new classmates whom I know nothing about, I wouldn't go about it by writing a blog on my thoughts. And since I refuse to write bullshit that I don't care about I guess we will just have to go the opposite way.
If he's not gay, he's married, an asshole, gross, a great guy that's not interested, a druggie, old, or completely stupid. I'm not trying to sound like the bitter hag, but its been a real treat being newly single in the city of Sheboygan (just kidding). I know this shouldn't be a focus of mine since I'm sucking major ___ at school, but it seems to be pissing me off daily.
I don't even feel like continuing this horrendous blog, but I'm not deleting it now.
Have a good weekend kids.
Second of all, I'm just going to say that I think this is a lame assignment. Pathetically i love writing blogs, and I've kept various ones over the years. But how the hell do you write a blog and make it so its not some of the most personal information you own? If I wanted to make a good impression on my new classmates whom I know nothing about, I wouldn't go about it by writing a blog on my thoughts. And since I refuse to write bullshit that I don't care about I guess we will just have to go the opposite way.
If he's not gay, he's married, an asshole, gross, a great guy that's not interested, a druggie, old, or completely stupid. I'm not trying to sound like the bitter hag, but its been a real treat being newly single in the city of Sheboygan (just kidding). I know this shouldn't be a focus of mine since I'm sucking major ___ at school, but it seems to be pissing me off daily.
I don't even feel like continuing this horrendous blog, but I'm not deleting it now.
Have a good weekend kids.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Spring Break is dying quickly!
My mind feels very alert for the first time in a long time. I'm having the greatest break and I don't want to go back to school. Here's a little outline and re-cap.
The Used. I'm about to get my sixteen year old band tees out and JAM!
I totally skipped out on philosophy like usual to go out for St. Patties. It was lame, only because I really hate being surrounded by Sheboygan's finest, and running into all the people I don't like.
Friday I went out again, danced until 2:30 AM, sober, went to Jalisco's where a fight broke out, and drove behind a drunk man walking home. I worked at 8 on Saturday, awesome. I went home on Saturday, at home-cooking and snuggled in my p-jams watching movies with my family.
Sunday I hung out with someone from my past. Its so bizzare to know how they affected my life in such unimaginable ways. And they have moved on, off this pedistal that I thought would never break. They are the reason my imagination peaked, I listened to strange music and read strange books. The reason for a lot of things. I've been thinking about it all week, trying to shake it, but I can't.
Tuesday I hung out with my friends from high school. They seem successful, engaged to pre-meds, internship in Scotland... etc. I'm here.
Thursday I went shopping, got my first pair of really high hooker heels. I will never wear them, since I am naturally 5'11'' . We went out and I was the most hystarical night I've had in forever.
Tonight I"m going out for a friends birthday, and I'm just going to enjoy the fact that I'm broke and 21. I'm going to enjoy that tomorrow is the day before I go back to school and I still have crazy amounts of homework to catch up on. I'm not going to enjoy any of this tomorrow.
Shit.
The Used. I'm about to get my sixteen year old band tees out and JAM!
I totally skipped out on philosophy like usual to go out for St. Patties. It was lame, only because I really hate being surrounded by Sheboygan's finest, and running into all the people I don't like.
Friday I went out again, danced until 2:30 AM, sober, went to Jalisco's where a fight broke out, and drove behind a drunk man walking home. I worked at 8 on Saturday, awesome. I went home on Saturday, at home-cooking and snuggled in my p-jams watching movies with my family.
Sunday I hung out with someone from my past. Its so bizzare to know how they affected my life in such unimaginable ways. And they have moved on, off this pedistal that I thought would never break. They are the reason my imagination peaked, I listened to strange music and read strange books. The reason for a lot of things. I've been thinking about it all week, trying to shake it, but I can't.
Tuesday I hung out with my friends from high school. They seem successful, engaged to pre-meds, internship in Scotland... etc. I'm here.
Thursday I went shopping, got my first pair of really high hooker heels. I will never wear them, since I am naturally 5'11'' . We went out and I was the most hystarical night I've had in forever.
Tonight I"m going out for a friends birthday, and I'm just going to enjoy the fact that I'm broke and 21. I'm going to enjoy that tomorrow is the day before I go back to school and I still have crazy amounts of homework to catch up on. I'm not going to enjoy any of this tomorrow.
Shit.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Mhmmm
I'm really not looking forward to this week of neurotic bullshit, but I'm going to stay calm. I just have to work really hard to get back on track and all will be well.
I'm listening to Silverstein, feeling these huges waves of nostalgia.
I'm reading Eating Animals by Johnathan Safran Foer, and I only got to dinner without eating meat. I think there's really only two extreme sides to vegetarianism: either you're all for it, or you think its extremely stupid. And honestly I know its wrong for a lot of different reasons, but I've been half-heartedly trying for years to quit meat and I just can't seem to do it. My first excuse is being anemic, my second is knowing that's its completely engraved into me, being an American we never really know different. I could get into this more, but I probably shouldn't.
I'm dvr-ing a show about dinosaurs, don't make fun of me.
I'm drinking rolling rock, no I'm not an alchy..
I'm eating cottage cheese, weird.
Switching to Chiodos.
Painted my toes green and glow in the dark for St. Patties!
Super excited to go out Thursday.
I'm seeing Elvis Costello May 15th, with my mom!
Every year I wait for the first day that I hear birds when I wake up, and today was that day, SPRING!
The end.
I'm listening to Silverstein, feeling these huges waves of nostalgia.
I'm reading Eating Animals by Johnathan Safran Foer, and I only got to dinner without eating meat. I think there's really only two extreme sides to vegetarianism: either you're all for it, or you think its extremely stupid. And honestly I know its wrong for a lot of different reasons, but I've been half-heartedly trying for years to quit meat and I just can't seem to do it. My first excuse is being anemic, my second is knowing that's its completely engraved into me, being an American we never really know different. I could get into this more, but I probably shouldn't.
I'm dvr-ing a show about dinosaurs, don't make fun of me.
I'm drinking rolling rock, no I'm not an alchy..
I'm eating cottage cheese, weird.
Switching to Chiodos.
Painted my toes green and glow in the dark for St. Patties!
Super excited to go out Thursday.
I'm seeing Elvis Costello May 15th, with my mom!
Every year I wait for the first day that I hear birds when I wake up, and today was that day, SPRING!
The end.
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