when the ocean met the sky

I'm starting to freak out.

I'm still on massive quantities of vicodin. I have shit loads of homework to do and also to catch up on. I'm working almost fifty hours this week. My friends and family are giving me guilt trips. I have dry sockets and car brakes I need to fix. And class and housework on top of all of that. If I get through the next month or so with out flipping a lid... I'm going to have to start thinking of how things will have to be different next semester.

Mornings at my job I make the best money, in fact I've worked really hard to earn the morning spot, so I can't just give that up. It means my rent and bills get paid easily and I'm privlaged to do what I want with the rest. I refuse to move home, there's no room unless I want to share the cat box.

Okay so that's settled. Job # 1, not going anywhere.

Job # 2, I love. I'm down to one or two days a week there and I'm not giving that up either.

School, I refuse to go part-time. I want to get out of here very badly, and part-time is certainly not the way to do it. I just continue to tell myself I need to be more disciplined and every week I think that's going to be the week I do it. But I never do. I don't know if this is something that has to be learned over time, or if there's some big secret that I'm missing out on. I continuously set myself up to be a slacker.

I just want to go back to bed, but its time to put some coffee on and get in the shower. Story of our lives. Reguardless of my late pissy and pathetic attitude towards life, TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!

Its alive!

This post is late. I am on Vicodin because I'm without my wisdome teeth, so excuse me if this doesn't make much sense. I'm drifiting in and out of sleep.

A year and a half ago I was in the same postion, elsewhere. I felt like it was easy for me to mess things up, make excuses for myself. Know that I am truly a weak person.
I get distracted by thoughts of picking up and just going. Its getting harder and harder for me to care about school, and its only been a single semester. I can't stand that I feel this way, and I'm unaware of how to fix it. Focusing has always been pretty non-existant for me. If all I had to do to get a degree was paint, listen to music, read pointless books, watch doccumentaries, smoke, and drink coffee like a lame hipster all day.. I'd probably have my doctorate by now. My health and attendence have been less than promising. All I can do is the pass the semester with a few B's and C's and try for next fall. None of my classes have been hard, even in the slightest, I just get apathetic and sorry seeming.

I took a tour of Miller Park over the weekend, and it was really interesting contrary to my intial beliefs. I fought with my family the entire day and spent stupid amounts of cash on pointless things at costco, but on the brightside I will have enough fiber bars to last me 2 months!

Never mix liquid cocaine shots, mostcato, and blue moon together.

Sunday I went to parnell with two of my really good friends. It was a painful fat kid climb, but we did it. We played truth or dare and watched the stars pretending we were still kids. (Or at least more child-like than we already are) We talked until we could barely keep our eyes open and drove home on some winding roads listening to songs that I'm sure only I found nostolgic. I guess this is all I really want in life, is people to share simple things with.

A few hours later I woke up to my dad knocking on my apartment door. It was wisdom teeth day. The doctor put a gas mask on my face and all I really remember was getting the giggles and telling everyone that it was better than my 21st birthday. Twenty bucks says they talked about me the second I was out. I woke up crying because they refused to let me drink water. I was so angry! We went to Target to get some prescriptions and I obviously couldn't walk so I stayed in the car. Again, so angry, 10 year olds were knocking on the window that my puffy face was against. I finally got to my parents house, and slept until I was woken up by my mother putting her ear against my mouth every 2 hours. I've been eating gauze and instant mashed potatoes for the last two days.

I'm putting my math homework off for about and hour now. I think perhaps I should do that.

Savage where the chorus at?

First of all, I can only read like two peoples' blogs, the rest don't work? Clearly I'm not the brightest.

Second of all, I'm just going to say that I think this is a lame assignment. Pathetically i love writing blogs, and I've kept various ones over the years. But how the hell do you write a blog and make it so its not some of the most personal information you own? If I wanted to make a good impression on my new classmates whom I know nothing about, I wouldn't go about it by writing a blog on my thoughts. And since I refuse to write bullshit that I don't care about I guess we will just have to go the opposite way.

If he's not gay, he's married, an asshole, gross, a great guy that's not interested, a druggie, old, or completely stupid. I'm not trying to sound like the bitter hag, but its been a real treat being newly single in the city of Sheboygan (just kidding). I know this shouldn't be a focus of mine since I'm sucking major ___ at school, but it seems to be pissing me off daily.

I don't even feel like continuing this horrendous blog, but I'm not deleting it now.

Have a good weekend kids.